Vtipy
o všem možném, co se zrovna nehodí do žádné jiné kategorie
Moderátoři: Moderátoři - veteráni, Moderátoři - nová krev
Re: Vtipy
od mike » čtv bře 31, 2016 21:28
Kanadane si stezuji na ilegalni imigranty
It even worse than we imagined. I guess this is creating havoc in Canada.
The flood of Trump fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The Republican Presidential primary campaign is prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and live according to conservative ideas about the Constitution.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming.
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though, and some kale chips."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear assassination from Trump over the top statements. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up all the Barbara Streisand c.d.'s, and renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
It even worse than we imagined. I guess this is creating havoc in Canada.
The flood of Trump fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The Republican Presidential primary campaign is prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and live according to conservative ideas about the Constitution.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming.
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though, and some kale chips."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear assassination from Trump over the top statements. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up all the Barbara Streisand c.d.'s, and renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
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Re: Vtipy
od Quido » čtv dub 7, 2016 19:48
to mne dneska dostalo
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Nikdy neříkej, že něco nejde. Vždycky se najde nějakej blbec, který neví, že to nejde, a udělá to...
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Quido - inventář fóra
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Re: Vtipy
od Happy » sob dub 16, 2016 14:43
Edit,tak snad ok
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Naposledy upravil Happy dne ned dub 17, 2016 6:09, celkově upraveno 1
Optimismus je opium lidstva! Zdravý duch páchne blbostí.
Nejkrásnější na světě nejsou věci, ale okamžiky. K. Čapek
Nejkrásnější na světě nejsou věci, ale okamžiky. K. Čapek
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Happy - účastník
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Re: Vtipy
od GreyMouse » pon dub 18, 2016 23:01
Mám pocit, že jezdí na různých linkách. Asi aby služeb mohly využít ženy po celém městě.mike píše:Treba budes mit stesti priste. Nebo se na DP zeptej, kdy jezdi grcobus
Jen aby se nám sem teď nezačaly stahovat zájemkyně o radu nejen z Čech, ale i z Moravy a Slezska
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Super stany
od amadeus » pon dub 25, 2016 16:21
Naposledy upravil mike dne pon dub 25, 2016 16:50, celkově upraveno 1
Důvod: slouceno
Důvod: slouceno
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amadeus - nadšenec
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Re: Vtipy
od grco » pon dub 25, 2016 20:06
Hahaha, kecy skoro jak tu v nemennovanom vlakne...
Consciousness consists of expanding wave functions of quantum energy. “Quantum” means a summoning of the zero-point. We live, we vibrate, we are reborn. Non-locality is the nature of conscious living, and of us.
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grco - outdoor maniak
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Re: Vtipy
od Hafi » úte kvě 3, 2016 0:00
to bohužel není vtip...ten první návrh se tuším prodává pod jménem Ortik Tupek. Kdysi jsem byl i krátce majitelem, někde to tu je popsaný. Vrátil jsem po vyzkoušení v pokoji, bo to byla strašná bejkárna.
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Hafi - Moderátor
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Re: Vtipy
od Stani » úte kvě 3, 2016 0:23
Jasné aj so zmrznutými ponožkami ako podstavec a so zdvihnutými rukami U núdzovky Tupeka sa trekové palice predsa upevňovali do strechy buď vo vnútri stanu, alebo ako exoskelet. Sice vo fučáku to držíš aj tak vlastným telom, ale predsa nie takto. Na backpackinglight si práve z toho robili srandu (pri využití trekových palíc na stan).
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Re: Vtipy
od Hafi » úte kvě 3, 2016 0:36
právěže v jednom člověku bylo nějaký upevnění na hůlky spíš nemožný, tedy varianta na obrázku by byla v podstatě nejschůdnější (boty na kolenou jsou samozřejmě nesmysl, ty ani na obrázku neplní žádnou roli).
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Hafi - Moderátor
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